Bilious pretense
Posted on 6 Feb 2007
I am still not convinced of the purpose of my faith. I believe maturity is near the top of God’s hopes for me; of course, revelation of such a path is rarely enjoyable. I realized this past week that I am still a very immature and selfish little man. There I was, rounding another bend only to find myself in a dismal valley. And a familiar valley at that. I still love in a pretentious and utilitarian manner which brings to question: why do I work so hard to maintain this character facade, and in so doing invite people to love a false me?
I mentioned to my counselor how all my Sunday worship efforts were ultimately aimed at an ego stroke, preferably a “great job” from someone at the conclusion of the service. I was absolutely outraged at my deceptive efforts and was ready to kill the whole worship posturing by taking time off. Her response: no matter your intentions, if people are enjoying worship, they are enjoying worship. So while my efforts may have a less than honorable purpose, the outcome may in and of itself, be received as love. And now the facade is acceptable again?
Welcome back pretense; you nauseate me.
&weightonmyhead
“An’ Another Thing” by Dave Matthews
Nova
6 Feb 2007 (18:59)
Zadok, you’re right: worship propheteer is not equal to worship profiteer. keep your eyes on the prize. as you say: Christ in all things… love, art, Seattle, desire, sorrow, hope. the great hope in where we’re at is where we can go. spring comes…
Anonymous
13 Feb 2007 (08:17)
I don’t think it’s a case of the facade being acceptable again, but maybe more of a Pauline phrase like “I do what I do not wish to do…” It speaks of a corruptibility in us from sin that taints all we do- if your goal is perfect worship execution without the pesky interference of your own ego or personal goals, then you are setting yourself up for an impossible scenario. Sin permeates what we do- including our leadership. It’s a fact- it’s not something we like to admit, but it’s true and it has to be true. If it weren’t true, then at some point we would reach perfection, and “perfection” is a little too close to heresy for me. We continually need Christ to inform us, reshape us, rebuke us, transform us, and work in spite of us. In short, we can’t do a thing without our own little stake somehow getting in there. And I’m pretty sure that God knows this. And I’m pretty sure that everytime I’ve tried my hand at self aggrandizement, I’ve either gotten the holy smack down or, even better, been silently muted and trumped. I have no salvo of scripture here, I’m just speaking from the heart and from what I know about myself and Christ from my own walk (and failures- got an hour?). Listen- here’s the deal- if you are looking for perfect worship, you’ll only find it in the Resurrection. If you are wanting to imperfectly worship the Lover of the Universe right now, you can do it! God knows it’s imperfect, because it always has been, and yet he continually sends us instructions and “updates” on how to refine it more and more.
Pax –
-theChiz
Anonymous
13 Feb 2007 (17:10)
amen! amen… i say it again and again– amen!!
A famous theological professor, upon needing a break from teaching…took off for a long respite and spiritual trip to live and work with Mother Teresa in Calcutta for six months. He was burnt out and looking for answers.
Upon his arrival, he asked Mother teresa to pray for him. SHe said, “well certainly- how shall i pray?” He responded- “Please pray for clarity.”
she responded, “I am sorry, I will not.” He pleaded with her by saying, “Mother Teresa, I am a man who is longing to love and honor God with my life and my life purposes… why may i not pray for clarity? It seems to me that you yourself have clarity as to your existence.” She gently responded, “i have no such thing… i have faith, i have trust… i know the love of my Father every day. I know no clarity- and i pray i never do, because- that is when i will lose my faith.”
We will never “get it right”. Because how is that even measured or attained…and what distance we create from our Heavenly Father- when the one thing He wants most for us, gave to us in the gift of His son, is not accepted. That being, love and acceptance that is more beautiful than any we will experiance on earth.
Our greatest reality- is what romances us to keep getting up and leading worship, keep on loving… our greatest reality of our lives is that:
no matter what’s gone down in our lives, what we are bringing to worship, whether we are feeling bad for feeling good, guilty for not feeling guilt, loving pretentiously but hoping to not… ohh gosh- so on and soo forth-
God loves us just as we are
and not as we should be.
ahhh- what pleasure God takes in us as we tend to beauty- just as we are.
what pleasure He takes in us as we choose to praise Him, not soo worried about what we may bring or take… just gotta praise Him!!