One of the reasons why I’m still single.
Posted on 8 May 2008
My parents have occasionally suggested I sign up for one of the many online matchmaking services, but I can’t seem to get the gumption; something about consumer-dating just doesn’t jive. Of course, I know several fine couples who met online and it is certainly wise to start with someone whom you share interests and beliefs. I am finding though, that my access to nearly infinite information coupled with a belief in the perfect choice has debilitated me from choosing at all. A hundred years ago I would have married a family friend who lived in my neighborhood, had children and a career by twenty and called it good. Today, if I can’t find the perfect soul mate, job, university, church, camcorder, toothpaste, I haven’t done the research or prayed long enough or repented or taken enough medication or all of the above (pick your crap ideology).
We have been deceived into thinking that more choice is better, but as psychologist Barry Schwartz states in this enjoyable TED Talk, it isn’t always the case. And speaking globally, the more consumer choices we Americans afford ourselves the less the rest of the planet has; we’re depressed from too much choice, the have-nots are depressed from too few. The case for Christian jubilee perhaps.
Maybe I’ll fly to Angola and marry the first nubile woman I find at baggage–ew gross… baggage.
kay
8 May 2008 (14:43)
Couldn’t help but chime in here…. As a person who finally caved into the pressure to try two different online matchmaking services, I sympathize. And even after I have found myself in a (so far, fingers crossed, better keep praying, taking meds, etc…) healthy relationship, I must admit that after signing up for a 6 month subscription, I felt like I was maybe getting the short end of my consumer stick by agreeing to exclusively date someone I’d met after less than one month of my already paid for, non-refundable, 6-month subscription. And then there’s the part of me that kinda still wonders what it would be like to have met someone a bit more… (*shudder*)… organically. Kinda gross to think of meeting someone “organically.” I think that’s an example of a way a word can be horribly misused. I think I like the idea of wildflowers instead of any of this cultivation. That being said, some might say that throwing yourself on the internet at the mercy of consumer-style dating is taking as much a chance as any. As far as baggage is concerned, I like the kind that you can take with you on international flights and stow in the overhead storage. ;) See you tomorrow…. we’ll jam… we’ll record… it’ll be greeeaaat!!
Peace….
Matt Chism
12 May 2008 (23:29)
It’s probably your bunions… Sorry, I got nothin’ I’d date you, but that would cross too many boundaries for me.
I do know that I don’t understand this whole process at all, except that when you start to find your own “groove” -i.e. where you belong, who you are -your eyes become open. I pray this is you now, finally understanding the crazy jazz that is Zadok, and learning not just to play along with the chord sheets, but to live and breathe the music.
Patty O'Fernitcher
15 May 2008 (07:52)
I would date you Zadok, but I’m a fictional Irish stereotype with bushy sideburns and an uncontrollable obsession to eat me lucky charms…
All chicanery aside, your quest for perfection is often balanced beautifully by an embodiment of grace unique in all the humans I know. You are a light to my path, and to many others. I also think you are using your ‘singleness’ for the kingdom of God in a way you could not if you were married.
I think these are my only reflections on your little posty. Thanks for making me think. Now, back to me marshmellowy shapes and crispy oaties!!!
Slante,
Patty
Zadok
15 May 2008 (08:01)
“Patty”, you bring madness and joy to me baby. I picture you in short pants, schvantz properly cast in a dance belt, and a pipe in hand.
and Matt, boundaries are for the weak-at-heart, but I understand.
and Kay, we’ll have to talk more about those bags eh?
Brian
29 Jul 2008 (06:03)
In my first year of college, a couple of hundred miles from home, exposed for the first time in to a seemingly limitless amount of choices for my life — in every conceivable area except those that really mattered — inundated by a thousand clubs and departments and people vying for my attention and devotion, I got lost in the options. I sought out a counselor who didn’t help me at all except to say one thing that stuck with me and something that even now, 10 years later, I hold to as a core part of my approach to the world. He said, “You have too many choices.”
I had thought that’s what I wanted. Even if I really did have all those options available to me, I was too imprisoned inside to have any real freedom anyhow.
We’re after freedom, and we think it comes through options. We’re close; it comes through choices, but the more unpopular kind than our too-typical “should I get this new phone that plays my music, gets on the internet, checks my email, does my bidding… or that one?” Rather, choices like dying and following and humbling and quieting ourselves to hear, that kind of thing — all completely independent of economics. In fact, I have often wondered if our politico-social-economic options were much more limited, would we, as a nation, finally settle into realizing where our real freedom is found?
Probably not. We’d probably just complain that we don’t have as many choices as the next country, and all our energy would go to becoming again the king-of-the-hill, only to finally admit to ourselves that this wasn’t quite what we were after either.
Zadok
30 Jul 2008 (07:42)
too many options; it seems so counter to what we’ve all been working towards doesn’t it. I have been on a quest to reduce the availability of certain things in my life and it is quite frustrating, if I’m honest. like an 8 gig iPod, probably a tenth of what I’d like but it requires me to be content with less.
regarding politics, I’d appreciate a bit more diversity in the stew. bi-partisan would be better served if it were oct-partisan, from this moment in time it seems that way.
Holly G
14 Oct 2008 (04:26)
omg this post could sum up my entire twenties. i see why it’s your top post. you’re great. TED is great too but you are greater.
Zadok
14 Oct 2008 (07:17)
cheers Grigz. my twenties were pretty shit.
good to see you at the Bean the other night. let me remind you again of my fandom.