Avatar (2/5)
Posted on 10 Feb 2010
Dances With Ferngully, featuring subtitles in Papyrus typeface. This movie is definitively pornographic: all bright colors and lusty skin with a vapid storyline. Ok, I get it, this is supposed to be a subversive statement on the Indian genocide and Iraq Wars–nature good, bulldozer bad. Except they forgot to be subversive about it. And why did they need ground troops for a bombing mission? Oh ya, so they could get mauled to hell by the rhinos. There was little mystery or allure to the cut-out characters. There was no plot point or allegory for the audience to unearth on their own. We must be dimwits, all 200 trillion of us who apparently love this film. Our protagonist learns about the circle of life, falls off his horse to comedic effect, earns a cute nickname, gets a little cuddle during his bow & arrow date, tames the big bird after deciding to “take it to the next level”, bags the Indian princess (forsaking the other girl who is apparently a much better singer), unites the clans with such gibberish as “for our children’s children”, and flies in to save the day like a white bat outta hell Messiah–America! Fuck Ya! The villain can bench press a lot and has three scars across his face. He also likes to blow up trees. Don’t worry, we get our requisite mono e mono at the end; think Robot Jocks vs. Kangaroo Jack. Two stars for the braid that plugged into the horse’s blowhole, that was pretty cool.
phil nellis
10 Feb 2010 (14:43)
i come here for reviews exactly like that one. thanks z.
Zadok
10 Feb 2010 (14:51)
Ya, caught the 11pm showing downtown. Sleep deprivation added to my disappointment.
david
11 Feb 2010 (10:48)
Ha! Wonderfully put.
Chad
17 Feb 2010 (21:05)
I approve of this review except for the unnecessary racist swipe at the classic Meatloaf album “Bat out of Hell” srsly it’s a classic for a reason. Recant and I’ll sign off on this review even though it deserves one less point than you gave it and that is being generous.